World Domination

A Treatise on World Domination Tactics

Chocolate Soldiers

I've been thinking a little recently about certain nefarious plots for world domination, and I thought I'd share the fruits of some of my research with you...

The angle I've taken for researching a possible method of world domination is this:

Complete control through a reign of terror, backed up by an army of chocolate soldiers.

Now, this is certainly one of the more unusual methods, but by no means unthinkable. So, after a certain amount of running around asking people strange questions, getting poked in the eye a lot and occasionally bought a beer and patted on the head with the phrase "there there, it'll all seem better soon" ringing in my ears.... I present some of my findings, loosely organised under three headings.

World Domination through the use of an army of Chocolate Soldiers. Pros:

• Cheap to replace when they take horrible losses.
• Logistics -- food especially -- not a problem.
• The element of surprise...
• Corruption of the young, in preparation for a really insidious takeover next generation...
• Generally unrebellious force, unlikely to stage a coup and overthrow you.
• A tasty treat if everything's going really badly.

World Domination through the use of an army of Chocolate Soldiers. Cons:

• Not very scary.
• Can't carry guns, and small candy spears don't really hurt a lot, no matter how many you get hit by.
• Low morale a common problem amongst confectionery militia.
• All attempts to subdue Opelika, AL have met with heavy resistance, with no bodies recovered to date...
• Hot weather an operational limitation, as is excess humidity.
• Mobilization is a problem, unless many Kinder Suprise (for aircraft/sailing vessels) are purchased.
• Inability to withstand enemy fire of any kind.
• Many tactical limitations tied to being 3 inches high.
• Inability to understand complex strategic or tactical issues.
• Basically, completely bloody worthless.